Pandora's Box
by Nonpoint Racer
Summary: Wreck-it-Ralph comedy. Many characters invade Sugar Rush to hilarious consequences. Cameos include Team Four Star (DBZ) parodies, Raiden (Metal Gear Solid), Family Guy and many more. For-fun project,
1. Chapter 1

"Huggalo's Pizza, we are pizza." An average man in a red ball cap croaked. It was a hot humid day, heat seemingly soaked to the bone. _God this is stupid. Wish I was still racing. _"We are pizza?" A dirty man in the corner blurted out. The ball cap man rubbed his eyes with a humble sigh "I gotta say it." The drunk man shrugged decisively. "C'mon on in, hey and close the door. I got weed in here cowboy." The ball cap man hesitantly shuffled into the apartment...

Vanellope turned to Ralph with a glazed look of confusion in her eyes. "Weed like Candy Cane tree weeds?" Ralph's eyes popped open like the flip of a switch. He had been relaxed and reclined against the inside of the screen to Fix-It-Felix Jr. "And this is why we don't watch Mr. Litwak's TV, time to go!" Ralph snagged the girls hood and jumped off the ledge to the screen, landing on a tree top with more than a thud. The tree squeaked seemingly in surprise, flexed and cradled it's riders to the ground... Then snapped. "Aw Ralph come on, I wanna see what happens! We always get to watch movies on Friday!" The tiny racer crossed her arms in a pouting fashion, knowing all too well on how to melt the giants heart. _God I could use a distraction. _Ralph folded his hands, glancing around nervously. "Hey you think if a tree falls in the woods anyone hears it?" The camera flips to a shot of the tree they rode to the ground moments before, suddenly realizing the tree has a mouth as well as the trees around it. A tree to the left cackles in laughter and blurts sarcastically "Hey if a tree falls in the woods does anybody hear it? HA HA HA!" The camera snaps right "Sure does, Frank here broke 10 seconds ago hasn't shut up about it!" Pan to the broken tree "Oh that's real mature Todd, lucky I'm not from Malchior 7!" Pan to a random tree "Hey guys look I'm playing the world's smallest violin."

Minutes later the red headed mammoth of a man and his chipper companion are walking through the cord to game central station. "It's a real shame the trolley's out for service. Felix has that hammer and all..." Ralph pouted through the barely visible tunnel. "I think it's fun, now move your molasses Ralph time's a wastin!" Vanellope chirped as she skipped gleefully. "Hey Ralph where's Malchior?" Ralph trudged along, his oversized bare feet throbbing already "I don't know, to the left of Uranus." Vanellope glitched and the sound echoed through the tunnel "OH GOD NO WHAT HAVE I DONE!" Ralph cried melodramatic as ever. Vanellope slapped her knees laughing to the point of tears. "I sure hope you wash your hands after you're on that planet!" She faked a disgusted look and slapped her hands on her chest as if trying to clean her self. "Well what do we have here Brussel?" A gravely voice shot out from the darkness. "Looks like some tourists Sprout" A nasty voice shot back. Sprout chuckled slowly "Well should we give them the tour?" Brussel gleamed "Yes the tour straight to Hell, b-because we'll be killing them! With our own two diabolical hands which are composed of many sinister fingers which we shall fiendishly use to destro-" An enraged Sprout cut in "Yes they get it we're evil shut up!" Two men swooped like bats from the shadowy roof in an instant, blocking our heroes path. One was tall and slightly hunched, the other rather short and round. The taller gravely vocalized "Seems you've come for the Dragon Balls as well, wouldn't it seem Sprout." His partner nodding in agreement. "The Dragon's what now?" Vanellope cooed in a cheeky manor. "Vanellope no!" Ralph shielded her from approaching them with his right hand. Sprout raised his chubby gray arm "We wouldn't want you getting in the way, right Brussel?" They locked eyes momentarily, grinning maniacally. "I wouldn't think so. Now di-!" Sprout was cut off, only able to make a gasping sound. Brussel's eyes widened in panic as he whipped around to aide his companion seemingly in slow motion. Blue slashes filled the air, cutting the antagonists to ribbons. For a split second the two men stood motionless, their diced bodies suddenly crashing to the ground. A deep tortured voice rasped as if on his last breath. "Sorry about that, I've been trailing these two for a while." The figures on the ground flashed in a pixel sort of way then suddenly disappeared. The shadow of a slim being stood as still and menacingly as a gargoyle in the dark, orange lights flashing around what appeared to be his head. "You two are safe. I won't keep you." The being whipped his sword in a flash of gold, sheathing it on his waist. Ralph stared for a second, his jaw dropping slightly in shock of all that had just happened. "Who are you..." Ralph strained to vocalize. The being turned, and in an instant was gone. Ralph snapped to his senses no longer feeling the presence. He glanced down at his right foot, realizing the green baby eyes of his companion looking up at him with great concern. She was clinging to his knee with both her hands firmly. _So much for not over exposing her to the human world. _"I loved it..." Vanellope said in a barely audible voice. "I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT! OH THE SWORD AND THE SLASHING DID YA SEE IT RALPH?!" She jumped around imitating a sword fighter. "SLASH WHACK WOO HOO! ... That was so awesome! I feel like I may be sick" she curled up in a sickly manor "Like a vurp ya know?" Ralph cocked an eyebrow "Isn't that where..." "A burp and you feel the vomit rising up, OH THAT WAS SO EXCITING!" She resumed bouncing around. _Ya little guttersnipe. _

Ralph and Vanellope reached Game Central Station, The smaller of the two still hopping around and slashing at air in a manor Zorro would have been proud of. Ralph was grinning at his companions enthusiasm, when he noticed Sgt. Calhoun walking with Felix . "Felix!" Ralph yelped and started running. Felix turned around in a slight daze, not knowing where the voice came from. "Guys we just saw the craziest thing. Calhoun, is there a new game or something?" The duo had stopped walking and were facing Ralph now. Calhoun snatched a sensor off her waist and glanced at it in a rather un-amused manor. "Scanners say intruders are finding their way to Game Central Station from the internet television." Noting the television set the two had been watching earlier. "Theoretically" Calhoun said grimly as ever "This could introduce any characters they watch into the Station." She spun the device in the snap of an instant, re-harnessing it on her waist in a way Clint Eastwood would have been proud of. "Nothing we can do about it. There's some bad things out there. Some of what I've seen... Ghouls would end us faster than foxes in a coop of crippled roosters" The Sergeant said with all the compassion of the Grim Reaper. They all stood awkwardly for a moment, Vanellope parrying in the background none the wiser. "Nice variation of that rooster line Hun. Sure gave me the honey-glows" Felix glanced around slightly frazzled. More awkward silence... "So who's up for Tappers?"

Ralph and Felix are now relaxing at Tappers having departed from the warrior of Hero's Duty, sitting on the quintessential bar stools. A live band was gearing up on stage in the background. "Tapper I love what you've done with the place" Ralph said trying to encourage conversation. The two glanced around. The place still had it's bar and stools but now the wallpaper was darkly colored, strobe lights gyrating and flashing on the ceiling. The live band was about to start, a guttural guitar riff chugged through the speakers. "See you're a fan of pink." Ralph added sarcastically. "Nice try Ralph but you still gotta learn sarcasm." Felix smiled as he focused on his frosted pint. The two glanced at each other and chuckled slightly. They had become like brothers after the events of the not so distant past. "Tapperrrrrrrrrrrs. " A tall man in dreadlocks growled from stage. "Save your stories for someone who cares..." At that the oily haired bassist picked up, The tone of the music may have even been too dark for Sgt. Calhoun. The air shook as if on a stampede from hell itself. Tapper appeared quickly from his rounds. "I don't know what this is all about guys.." Ralph couldn't tell if the proprietor of the bar was distressed from the music or just had his usual concern about him. Old arcade game characters had a very limited range of movements and emotion after all."Calhoun says outsiders are making their way into Game Central Station." Ralph explained between sips. "From the TV Litwak's got setup." The vocalist on stage erupted lyrics in a deep yelling tone "It's time to WAKE UPPPPPP!" Felix choked slightly on his root beer, and wiped his mouth. "Jimmy jammy Ralph my ears! Mind if we get outta here?" Ralph obliged, sensing his dear friend was uncomfortable with the music_. Must be 'nice' to be a good guy _Ralph thought sarcastically to himself as the the two left the bar.

"By the way Ralph" Felix was wringing his hat still slightly disturbed from the music. "Where'd you leave Vanellope?" Ralph grinned and motioned over his shoulder. Vanellope was pretend sword fighting with an orange tabby. The two moved in a comical manner, the feline being complete with a pair of dark boots and even a black and gold trimmed matador's cap.

"CUT!" A man in a directors chair yelled into his megaphone. "Okay who wrote this script? I mean really who leaves a little girl with an anthropometric cat?" A man in the corner quickly tossed a script with the words "ORIGINAL DRAFT" into the garbage can and not so gracefully flew out the nearest door. "Sir I'm gonna tell you what you need to do." The producer placed his massive hand on the directors shoulder. The producer was a large well built man with a glistening dome of a head, a fantastic mustache and a rather high yet gravely voice. "You need to sit him down, look him dead in the eye and say... OH A FRISBEE VEGETA." The director removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes as the producer leapt towards the catering table. _God the sooner I get signed for Family Guy the movie, the better. _

"Ralph? RALPH! What's going on in there?" Felix motioned to his head in a concerned manor. "I don't know. I sensed... A disturbance." Ralph said before he shuddered slightly. He relaxed as he noticed Vanellope cozied up with the orange Tabby on a bench, both sharing the hat as a blanket.

It was now late at night. Ralph had taken a sleeping Vanellope Von Schweetz back to her castle in sugar land and was now back in Fix it Felix Jr walking to his home. Ralph yawned slightly and glanced at the TV through the game's screen. An obese man and a black boy entered the room through two separate doorways and met face to face grinning in a cheesy manor. Music and singing, with a rather 80's tone to it could just barely be heard through the screen and wall of the Fix it Felix Jr game counsel... "My black son, my black sonnnnnnn! and he's also a ninja!" _Wow Litwak's kids sure watch some bizarre TV shows. _

Ralph shimmied into his makeshift shack. Sure he could sleep in his nice Felix-built home in Eastern Niceland, but he was too tired to walk so far. Ralph sluggishly shimmied into his bed and glanced at the slightly opened door. "Thought I closed that" And on that a monkey jumped through the opening, pointing at Ralph with clinched teeth and a look of icy determination upon it's eyes. "OH GOD EVIL MONKEY! THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN I WAS IN TALLADEGA NIGHTS AND GOT HIT ON BY WILL FERREL'S WIFE!"


	2. Chapter 2

Ralph was uncomfortably reclined on one of many hills upon a rolling pink landscape, watching the green skies. The arcade had just closed but Sugar Rush was still in daytime mode. The air was hot and had a thick smell of caramel upon it. There was no wind, barely any clouds in the sky, and one could think the sky had a sick look to it. Ralph typically waited here for Vanellope. The shear size of Sugar Rush compared to Fix it Felix Jr meant that Vanellope had much further to travel compared to Ralph. Ralph cupped a hand over his eyes, trying to block out the sun. "RECOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME FLYING..." Ralph jutted up from his laying position. "What the heck was that?" The earth shook slightly. Ralph leapt up glancing around, and locked onto a group down the hill by the taffy swamp. "I got his left side" a small green one called "And I've got his right!" a red rather Australian one confirmed. They appeared to be pulling a large tall man from the swamp, who was stuck in the sticky taffy headfirst. By this point Ralph was only a few yards away, and the man had been pulled from his imprisonment. He noticed Ralph while still in his companions Grasp. "Sup?" The man said in a deep voice. He had an oblong head and a bright red Mohawk. Ralph now noticed a large blue snake resembling man in the back, bringing the count to 4 for this unusual crew. They were all clad in a set of dark armor bearing an insignia on the left side of the breast plate. The alien men were all very well built like they were Olympic athletes. "So are you guys like whoa!" Ralph dodged a tree that seemingly came out of no where. The small green member of the group was tensed. "Little quick to the trigger there ace" The blue man vocalized in a rather reptilian manor. "Sorry I guess I sort of lost my head there after I, you know, lost my head." The green man smiled, rubbing the back of his head with a gloved hand. "Hey guys!" The Australian one interrupted "Introductions are in order, we have a guest!" The group not so gracefully moved around to some choreography. "We're the best in the world, The Ginyu Special Squad Yes we are!" They each yelled their names "Jeice" the red one " Guildo" The green one "Burter" the blue one "Annnnnnnnnd RE-COOOOOOOOOOME" Not knowing to be intimidated, Ralph stood rather uncomfortably in place. Burter yelled "We are here to claim this rock." Jeice continued "In the name of lord Freez'r." Ralph still stood, rather unimpressed. He placed a hand on his hip, _I could take them_. Even the tallest was only slightly taller than him and he was a blue twig. On that the blue figure disappeared. Ralph felt a rush of air behind him "Surrender now or prepare to fight" Burter voiced, all too close to his ear. Ralph leapt away, turning and stumbling in the process. "Geez, nearly soiled myself!" If they were all at least that fast, _I may be in for a rude awakening. _"Ever see power rangers?" A new voice called out. Ralph turned left to see a rather short man with spiked black hair. His arms were crossed in a rather cocky manor. The newcomer smirked proudly. Ralph asked the question "And who are you, the guy that makes the donuts?" The man closed his eyes and clenched a fist, yelling in a booming voice of pride "I am the prince of all Saiyans!" Vegeta relaxed his stance. "Yeah all 4 feet of you" Guildo vocalized with a smirk. Upon that Vegeta tossed a dog biscuit at the rotund green man, enraging the character. "I freaking hate you!" Guildo yelled. Vegeta closed his eyes once again, smiling. "I know you do" And on that the prince's eyes flashed open. He raised an arm, pointed in the direction of Guildo with an open hand, and suddenly the air around the two erupted in a blinding light. A thunderous roar followed, violently shaking the entire land scape. It felt like an earthquake. Ralph being graceful as ever fell on his behind yet again. The flash of light disappeared, revealing a long shallow crater where Guildo had formerly been. The pink icing of the ground of the crater was burned and charred. The air smelled like burnt cookies. Before Ralph could regain his senses, Vegeta flashed behind Jeice. "G'day mate" The prince growled as proudly as ever. Jeice turned seemingly in slow motion but never stood a chance; the red warrior met a kick from Vegeta and went flying into the air. Jeice seemingly tumbled into the sky, suddenly bracing himself. The red Australian shrieked "BURTER, SUPPORRRRRRRRRRT!" The tall blue member smiled, his arms crossed rather unamused. _You think they'd be more upset seeing their friend died. _Ralph thought. "You're lovely shades of red, you have beautiful hair and honestly you're the only guy I can trust on this team" Burter finished. "NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU DAMN DAFT FOOL, I MEANT PUNCH HIM! But thanks ya know?" Vegeta punched jeice in the face in a rather unserious manor. _Oh God what would the captain do in a situation like this? _Jeice agonized to himself. He had a momentary flashback. "Jeice if you ever find your self repeatedly being punched in the face, you must always remember to" the dazed warrior was met with another punch, and on this the idle members of the remaining Ginyu Force took to the air. "GOD DAMN IT YOU CUT OFF THE CAPTAIN!" Vegeta produced a beam of light once again. The air erupted in thunder a second time. A moment later Jeice had seemingly disappeared. Burter and Recoome had Vegeta surrounded. He's in for it now... Ralph grimly thought. Atleast this guy seems to be on my side. They were all in the air now a couple hundred yards from Ralph. He could just barely make out what they were saying. "YOU KILLED MY BEST FRIEND" Burter spat at the prince. Recoome seemed rather unamused. "In our line of work this sort of thing happens. Guildo will be missed" Burter sighed "I meant Jeice you fool..." Recoome's eyes popped open "Oh... OHHHH! This is quite the lose. But we have our rules for a reason..." Burter clinched his teeth in anger. He seemed to be deeply hurt by his friends apparent death. "Aw fine... ROCK PAPER SCISSOR LIZARD SPOCK!" The two tossed hands and chanted. "YES! IN YOUR FACE" Recoome shouted "Vegeta, your time is coming. Soon you will face the end all, the be all, RECOOOOOOMMMMMME!" The large man gyrated and stopped in a tripod like stance. Burter flew off in the sky as Vegeta stood silent and spoke "Wrestling's fake". Out of nowhere random crowd sound effects made booing and cussing sounds at the Prince's remark. Despite Recoome's size, Vegeta seemed unamused. _I_ _swear I don't even know what's going on anymore. _

The two threw blows in the air, or so Ralph thought. They were moving so fast it was hard to keep track of them. The warriors continued to battle, seemingly able to teleport to random spots in the sky. Recoome seemed to have the upper hand. He landed blow after blow on the outranked Saiyan. A yelp of the pain, and the Saiyan prince flew to the ground. Vegeta cratered into the ground. Ralph hurried to the prince's aide. He glanced inside a crater easily 10 feet deep. Layers of chocolate earth were exposed. Despite the grounds soft appearance of cake like origin, the prince seemed to be unconscious. Recoome gracefully touched down mere feet away. "Vegeta. You talk about your Saiyan heritage and your pride. You think you are the best at what you do well let me tell you, THAT DOESN'T MEAN A DAMN TO THIS MAN!" Recoome pointed at himself cocky as ever with one of his massive thumbs. At this time Vegeta had stumbled out from the crater, his armor resembling that of the Ginyu Force member's was now cracked and falling apart. "RECOOME KICK" And Vegeta painfully flew back into the crater. Recoome recoiled and regained balance from the attack. "I thought you had that one" Ralph blurted out pleadingly. "NAW.." Vegeta managed to blurt. Recoome began some sort of dance. Then a pink light formed in the man's teeth "Recoome super eraser..." Ralph cut in out of shear fear "Do all your attacks start with Recoome?!" Ralph swung a fierce right hook out of desperation and it landed. It caught Recoome squarely in the jaw. The beam he had been charging in his mouth went off causing a smoky explosion. "Hey Vegeta are you ok in there?" Ralph asked while trying to assess their threat through the smoke. "FINE!" The bewildered prince shouted "NOTHING BUT GUM DROPS AND ICE CREAM!" _Actually it's cake_ Ralph mused. The smoke cleared. Recoome's teeth were mostly shattered and his armor had melted and fallen away in the explosion. The dazed giant confessed "Can Recoome have a mirror? Recoome feels like he may have chipped a tooth." He smiled in an incredibly unflattering way, it made Ralph cringe. Ralph put his hands up trying to block out the sight. It made him remember Zombie in his first bad-anon meeting. Blood and gore just didn't do it for Ralph. "Dear God what happened to your face?!" The warrior walked towards the crater Vegeta was still struggling in. Ralph interjected "Vegeta are you ok?" Vegeta grunted. "I'm already a foot in the grave, why don't you attack him?!" On that Recoome had approached the crater. He ignored Ralph, seeming to relish in Vegeta's anguish. "Hey Vegeta, I've been working on a new joke. How many Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?" On that a kart appeared seemingly out of nowhere, colliding with Recoome and knocking him to his knees. Vanellope popped out of the cart and piped "Just one."

"Ralph!" A tiny shrill voice cried from the cart. "Vanellope!" Ralph ran to the cart, the two embraced momentarily. "Ralph I heard the explosions so I glitched here as fast as I could." The two now stood facing Vegeta's direction from the cart. Sugar was gently wafting in the air from the commotion of the last few minutes. Vegeta had appeared from the hole and was gasping for breath, sitting upon a gumdrop. Ralph called out "You okay?" Vegeta gasped, his breathing relaxing now. "I'll be fine" The prince replied gruffly. "Hey baldy!" A small bald man in an orange jump flew from behind one of the larger hills in the area. "Senzu bean" he yelped in a rather squeaky voice for a male. On this he produced a small bean and threw it in Vegeta's direction. The Saiyan caught it without looking and quickly consumed it. Vegeta stood up, seemingly revitalized. "We have a friend who can fix your armor up." Ralph suggested. Vanellope looked up at Ralph with a concerned look she resorted to much too often recently. Seeming to know what was on her mind, Ralph spoke up. "So who are you guys?" Vegeta, now several yards away paused a moment. He seemed to be surveying the landscape. The man in the orange suit spoke up. "My name's Krillen, and I'm sure you know Vegeta by now. We're here with a task force sent from earth." The man's voice shook in fear. Krillen continued "Some how beings from our universe have been escaping into your world. We're holding them at bay until reinforcements arrive." Krillen braced himself on his knees. He seemed terrified to be in the new surroundings. He forced himself up straight with a scowl. "But we've undergone training for this." On finishing a round darkly colored Genie appeared from thin air "I'll say" he proclaimed. Krillen shrieked bloody murder.

By now a young boy had walked up. He was in a blue jumpsuit and had a dark bowl cut. "We get it Krillen, Mr. Popo's here. Now be quiet so I can figure out this radar Bulma gave me." _He couldn't be more than 5 or 6. _Ralph was starting to get frustrated with all the new comers. "And who are you?" He spat with more than a little anger in his voice. "Gohan." The young boy said seemingly unphased. At first glance he vaguely resembled Vegeta. Vanellope walked up to the tiniest of the newcomers, her hands joined behind her back. "So you guys aren't from around here, you must have some great stories." The Heiress said with a flirtatious edge in her voice. _Oh God she likes the little guy. _"Hate to cut in" The genie spoke. "But i'm here to take your worthless maggots back to the station. Gohan the area's clear?" The genie had a gentle yet somewhat commanding aire about him. "YES SIR" Gohan and Krillen answered with out hesitation. Vegeta and Vanellope seemed unphased by the genie. The princess pestered Gohan "You know it sure gets lonely in the castle sometimes." Gohan seemed detached. Vegeta quipped in although he sounded fairly uninterested "Hey dumbass she's hitting on you." Gohan responded distant as ever "Sorry, i'm not good at picking up at those sort of things. My best friends are an unfeminine bald man and a green alien who constantly hits me, can you blame me?" Vanellope had a look of sympathy on her face. After all she had been abused for some time as well. An awkward silence hovered. Vegeta spoke up, seemingly bored with the area "You know the only reason I take out my anger on you is because I have pent up aggression against your father.. Take that."

Vanellope and Ralph were now walking towards the castle. 'Team 3 Star' as Krillen had called the group, departed for game central station. Vanellope was pouting slightly at the departure of Gohan. It was sunset now, the landscape had grown dark. The skies hued into different shades of emerald against the clouds. Gold sparkles gleamed and danced on the edges of the landscape closest to the sun. Ralph sighed at his friends dilemma. Not even the cool sweet smell of the now vanilla flavored air eased his worries. His small companion shivered slightly, glitching a pixilated blue momentarily. Ralph snickered, getting a fake dirty look from the tiny girl. He glanced down a hillside, noting a rather rotund pink starfish in green shorts reclined over a large chocolate candy.

Burter blasted past Surge Protector into Game Central Station, making the small blue authority disappear in a static snap. _Gotta find reinforcements _He thought to himself. He glanced around frantically. Their original strike had Cpt. Ginyu stationed with additional troops in the station, which they would of easily taken. _This place has no defenses, where are they_?! Now becoming worried Burter turned around only to be met by a darkly clad figure. "Looking for some body?" A familiar voice said in his normal pain stricken tone. At first glance the darkly colored man appeared nude. His armor was comprised seamlessly out of metal fashioned into muscle resembling shapes. The only distinguishing characteristic that the person was indeed a man was his face containing a metal jaw and flowing white hair that glowed in the light of the station. "Move it or lose it hotshot!" Burter spat. The dark clad man unsheathed his sword from it's waist sheath, it's blade glowing with a slight hue of gold to it. "First those two guys jump wreck it Ralph in the tunnel, now this. Looks like today isn't gonna be easy... I wouldn't have it any other way" The man seemed somewhat enticed by Burter's opposition. "So did Recoome die with dignity?" Burter stepped back in fear "How do you know the parts you weren't there for?!" A mask snapped shot encapsulating the man's face as he seemingly disappeared. Burter snapped "Jesus that was fast! b-but not as fast as me.." The man reappeared behind Burter in a striking stance with his blade down. "I am Raiden. Repressing in 3, 2, 1..." Raiden slashed just once. Burter flashed and disappeared. He smiled. "And repressed... God I love therapy."


	3. Chapter 3

The gate to Sugar Rush castle was just over one more hill and lights from marshmallow torches could be seen. _It's been a long day, but it's almost over. _Ralph mused. Vanellope glanced up in the sky, searching for the peaks and steeples of her home. They were just barely visible in the now deep blue sky. Vanellope stopped, peaking Ralph's curiosity. "Hey who's that?" The girl pointed. A group of people were outside the castle. As they approached Ralph recognized them from the TV the other night. "I know them. They're the Griffins!" The earlier encounters of the day had been rather confusing to Ralph, but we was quite familiar to the 'Family Guy' crew. Still unnoticed by the group the dog mused out loud to a red headed woman. "This doesn't appear to be a Twinkie Factory Louis." A large man in green and white bumbled in a rather unintelligent voice "You'd sure think so with all the candy we passed on the way here huh Brian?" "Well I think it's disgusting, leaving candy out like that" Louis interjected with a voice resembling that of Fran Drescher. A young girl in pink shirt and hat spoke up "Yeah mom it could be a breeding ground for bacteria. I learned that in science class today." She spoke rather proudly. The rest of the people seemed rather unamused. A small baby, with a rather oblong head, popped out from behind a nearby gumdrop holding some sort of weapon. He spoke in a rather sophisticated British accent "Filthy natives. VICTORY SHALL BE MINE. I shall claim this land in the name of ouch damn you vile woman!" Louis picked the boy up, he thrashed to no avail. "Meg will you take Stewie, mommie's tired." She beckoned to The pink detailed woman. At this point Vanellope had scampered away from Ralph, either curiosity or fearlessness had motivated her. Ralph flashed back briefly

_"What's the worst somebody can do to me Ralph? Off with their heads if they mess with me. Or if I'm in a bad mood stick 'em in a room with you. The smell alone would kill em." _

"Hello!" She squeaked with a rather chipmunk like smile. "Ralph says you're the Griffins! I'm Vanellope Von Schweetz." She extended a hand to Brian. He shook it firmly. "So is that a dutch name?" He deduced. The heiress was far too excited by the new crowd to be serious, especially seeing they were friendly "Hey look a dog who can shake." She cackled. "Who taught you to speak, Stan Smith?!" Ralph had walked up, chuckling to himself. _Girl still has a wicked since of humor, and a switch blade for a tongue. _Despite the girls brash demeanor, Ralph was sure they'd see her true colors soon enough. By now a round blonde boy had joined the crew. "Chris where have you been?" Louis asked. "Well I was just walking along and found, OMG IT'S WRECK IT RALPH!" Chris exclaimed. Ralph, seeming rather uncomfortable with the attention, crossed his hands. "A-Always nice to meet a fan." Ralph said as he rubbed the back of his neck with his massive right hand. Ralph noticed Chris was grasping a rather unamused Rancis Fluggerbutter in his arms. Chris shrieked "DAD A SUGAR LANDER, CAN I KEEP HIM OWE HE BITE ME!" Chris yelped as the peanut butter cup themed boy evaded the grasp and skipped over to Vanellope. He winked at the princess before garnering a rather serious look. "Who are these people?" He probed. Vanellope closed her eyes and spoke in a rather conceded tone. "Sergeant crazy lady says they're from the internet." "Neat!" The boy chimed. Ralph was about to correct her but for the life of him couldn't disagree with the accusation. Brian grinned and spoke "Hey Stewie this is kinda like that multi-verse thing. You know where you had the shuffle button?" Stewie narrowed his gaze "Hey Brian remember the part where you got hit by a car?"

Vanellope was a great leader in the fact that she was a great hostess, and the castle made it easy to be such. It had not been long since the sprawling castle had become her home. There were still many rooms she had not explored, and besides she was too busy perfecting her already fantastic racing skill. The one exception was the dungeon. She and Ralph had destroyed it on one of the first days she moved in. That room had nothing good to contribute...

The gleeful hostess led Ralph and the Griffins through the corridors, humming and skipping the entire way. She stopped and spun on her heel, throwing out her arms in what resembled a hugging gesture. "Alright here it is, The Von Schweetz Hotel." She crossed her hands, smiling to reveal her small buckteeth. "The rooms are tiny..." she continued "so you guys will have to split a couple rooms." Peter burst into a door on the left and glanced in with all the frantic ADD-ness of a Chihuahua on crack "AWWWWWW FREAKIN SWEET!" The grousing Griffin gaped. "Bunk beds! TOPSIES" And on that Peter flew into the top bunk. Chris cautiously entered the room with his father. "As long as there's no evil monkey." Ralph spoke up "Nah he's at my place..."

Stewie had once again separated from his family, and was exploring some of the darker halls of the castle. He shivered. _God this is worse than that birthday Louis and the Fat-man tried to setup at Chuck-E-Cheese. Aw screw it, there isn't enough bandwidth for a flashback here. _"Ooooooooooooooo" Stewie's eyes bolted open. "AWWWWWWWWWWW!" The sound got closer. Stewie produced a blaster from thin air, whipping around into a perfect Weaver Stance. "SHOW YOUR SELF" The baby yelled with icy determination. A blue head appeared through one of the walls, seemingly not touching or damaging the wall in the slightest. Stewie narrowed his gaze. "I swear to God if you're the blue Popo.." The ghoul cut in "I AM THE BOX GHOST!" Stewie smirked "and I'm Carmen San Diego, where am I?" The Box Ghost scratched a beanie laden scalp, apparently not knowing the reference. "Now I have a question for you, die." Stewie prodded. The box ghost raised a hand "That's not really a question!" Stewie cocked his blaster and fired. A cloud of smoke quickly dissipated where the Box Ghost had been. "That's because I don't do requests."

"I know, you know, that I'm not telling the truth." Peter was slouched in a recliner, watching a flat screen television. On the TV a thin black man had tripped while running beside a rather quirky young white boy. "PETER GRIFFIN" Louis was in the doorway with her arms crossed. "It's a beautiful day outside the castle, you should be enjoying it like everyone else!" Cutaway scene: Chris is walking and flailing a candy cane stalk. He is by the taffy swamp and pokes the auspicious green goo with the stick. The goo shortly holds the poked hole before molding back into place to a croak like sound. "Ha ha ha" The boy laughs out loud. He vigorously pokes the swamp again, cackling like a child on Christmas morning. Out of the swamp a huge Cybug jumps out and swallows him, quickly splashing back into the swamp. End scene. "Nah hun I hear the bugs are horrible this time of year, besides they're about to find the Pineapple!"

Stewie is examining Vanellope's cart parked outside the castle. He flicks the marshmallow head light with an unamused look on his face. "God it's like Ted Turner had a baby with the Ford Motor Company... Oh well, no harm in giving it a go." Stewie jumps in the cockpit to a cute squeak of the seat. He turns the wheel slowly at first and quickly speeds up, garnering a smile for the first time all trip. "My my! I feel like a young Cole Trickle!" Stewie is too distracted to notice Taffyta, Candlehead and Jubilee walking up to the castle. Jubilee questions "Well well who do we have here?" The girls eyes widen up, tiny sparkles floating around their heads. "What a cutie!" Taffyta squeaks as Candlehead picks the boy from the car. "Let's give this little man a make over!" They all squeak at once. Candlehead squeezes Stewie into a hug, touching his face with hers. "Let go of me vile tart's!" Stewie thrashes wildly until he notices the candle of Candlehead's namesake. His eyes grow wide, his mouth gaping. Jubilee pinches one of Stewie's cheeks and smiles as she asks"Now you gonna come quietly little man?" Stewie rather entranced responds as if hypnotized "Yes I want a make over. White Chicks was amazing... And I like pudding!"

Louis and Ralph are found in the massive kitchen of the ' Von Schweetz Hotel'. The sprawling counters and shelves are a bright chrome, and the air thick with the smell of bleach and hot steam. Louis's arms are crossed and she is watching Ralph hunched over a sink of dishes, tapping her foot decisively all the while. "Now if you're gonna take care of a princess you must learn to do dishes properly." She lectured. Ralph rolled his eyes. "But we have marshmallow workers do to this. And besides if I smash a dish like this" Ralph tosses a saucer to the ground, detonating it into a pixelated pile of ash "it's taken care of!" _Somehow I can't say no to a woman_.. Ralph dwarfed the woman easily. She was only about twice Vanellope's height, and barely wider in the midriff. "That's it mister, go to your room!" Ralph threw his hands in the air "I don't live here!"

Ralph and Peter are face to face in chairs, pouting looks on each of their faces. Ralph spoke up "This is more sour than sour-Bill." Peter agreed "I hate this. Stinky Mc-Poop head took away my TV remote, I WANT APPLE JUICE!" Ralph added "Lease she didn't make you do the dishes!" The two sat in silence for a moment. Peter's eyes bolted open "Let's make the beds into bunk beds!" Ralph's jaw dropped. "It would give us so much more room for activities!" Chris is seen running in the distance through the castle's window. He is closely tailed by a huge Cybug.


	4. Chapter 4

It was nighttime and Vanellope was admiring the deep blue night sky. Pink yellow and baby blue stars flickered against maroon Twizzler galaxy systems, barely visible this time of year. The princess was dressed in her royal gown and heading to a tea party. _That's what normal girls do _were the exact words of her Royal Advisor Taffyta Muttonfudge. Personally the princess was much more used the feeling of grease embedded on her hands than the silk laced gloves that accompanied her royal gown. _Somehow this glitch always gets roped into these things. _The princess had arrived at the destination; Candle head's home. It was a quaint chocolate cupcake with chubby window frames set against a yellow cake shell. She hesitated slightly before ringing the doorbell. As the princess waited she glanced around; she had never been here before. Candlehead's home was set on the edges of a cotton candy tree forest, barely visible this time of night. The door squeaked open, a warm golden light illuminating the night behind Candlehead. "It's so good to see you!" The proprietor cooed as she briefly embraced the princess. _Candlehead sure cleaned up nice _Vanellope admired. The pigtails of the heartfelt racer were now in large braids down the girls back, framing her lightly colored face and pink round cheeks. She bore a green dress detailed on the edges with pink fringe and black dots, the entire outfit reminiscent of a watermelon. "C'mon in!" The princess moved rather uncomfortably through the cozy home; the main room was bathed in the golden light of a fireplace that sparked pixilated ashes up the chimney. Taffyta and Jubilee were sitting on stools braiding Stewie's hair?! The boy had an unamused yet somehow content look on his face. Stewie had blue eyeliner, red lip gloss and a curly blonde wig being pulled up into a bun. His red overalls were replaced with a pink dress, complete with matching heels. Brian walked from the kitchen brandishing his signature martini. "Hey Stewie how's the catwalk this time of year?" Stewie flipped a hand nonchalantly "Bitch please you know I look good. Besides aren't these girls like 8 years old?"

Ralph and Peter are hard at work on their bunk beds. Peter is fumbling with news papers while Ralph is on the top bunk, hammering nails into a jury-rigged support. The nails were giving Ralph a horrible time; his programming wasn't designed for subtlety or creation. The supports holding the second bed up were horribly splintered on the ends, nails jaggedly flared in all directions. Ralph frowned "Hey Peter, could use some help here. What are you doing anyway?" Peter stood up and tossed his now crumpled up newspaper "I was trying see what snoopy would do. Silly Beagle, dogs can't cook marshmallows!" Not knowing who or what Snoopy was, Ralph glanced around for a distraction. Peter glances at the bed with his hand to his chin, his eyes squinted in concentration... "Whelp looks good to me!" The Griffin leader jumps into the bottom bunk and hides in the covers. Ralph cautiously reclines, relaxing as the bed holds. He sighs in calmness _Bitchin'. _Peter is now reclined "Ralph you're my new best friend! Who needs girls and family and a solid income?" Ralph smiled "You're my best pal too Peter." A warm flute riff compliments the mood of the room; somehow Peter was able to spawn music in his surroundings. _Must be a sitcom thing. _

Louis is in the kitchen doing dishes. Despite this being a 'vacation' she was still stuck with the housework; really she wouldn't have it any other way. She senses a presence behind her _It must be Meg, haven't seen her all episode_. The she-Griffin turns around "Meg I was just OH MY GOD!" Louis drops her dish, shattering it. A tall slender figure stood in front of her. The being was darkly colored; a red pimp like hat and robe accenting his intruding presence. He had glowing gold eyes encompassed in what appeared to be welding goggles; a huge grin of pointy teeth were all that stood out on a face covered in dark bangs. Louis trembled 'who, who are you? I sure hope you're not Meg, this is worse than what happened the last time you joined a cult!" The character chuckled in a rather soothing tone. "The name's Alucard. And the bitch you's looking for... Well let's just say she pussed out like a bitch." CUT AWAY SCENE: Meg is on her knees in a dark hallway pleading with a phantom. All she can see is glowing where eyes should be. She speaks "If you let me live I'll give you my virginity". The apparition vocalizes in a rather alarmed tone "And I thought Integra was bad!" On that a gunshot echoes through the dark lonely hallway. END SCENE. Louis and Alucard are standing in silence, the woman appearing rather calm. "Eh well ya win some ya lose some." The vampire smiles as if aroused by the bizarre lack of caring over her daughter. He chuckles to himself, just for a moment, but then frowns. "So I was minding my own business..." CUT AWAY SCENE: Alucard is sitting in a dark room, a glass of wine in his hand. The 'Adventure Time' title screen is displayed to a gentle guitar twang. THUD "OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED?!" A sound in the next room barely perks the Vampire's interest. "I'll go get help!" Wreck it Ralph, Alucard deduced. "NO! LOIUS'LL YELL AT ME N STUFF!" That new fat bastard Ralph's been hanging out with. END SCENE. Louis yells "THEY DID WHAT TO THEIR BEDS?!"

Vanellope is in the small kitchen of Candlehead's home pouring some coffee. She admires the dark chocolate counters and cabinetry; there's even a small round table comprised of a graham cracker for the top and deeply purple colored Twizzlers as the legs. She thinks to her _self It's so nice being welcome, finally_. She sips her coffee. "mmmm." It had been a nice relaxing night, the girls were hysterical with Stewie. Brian and the boy's banter too was enjoyable. The dog entered the kitchen. "Mind if I join you?" The princess smiled and nodded. Brian quickly pooled a chair out Vanellope; she blushed at the gesture. She hadn't been ruler long, and any small act of kindness made her heart feel warm yet again. The princess flopped onto the chair; it was the only way she had figured out how to sit in her gown. She puffed a hair out of her face. Brian sat down across from her. There was a slight pause. The dog spoke "So why is it you insist people call you Princess yet you also insist that you are in fact the president?" The girl smiled and placed her coffee on the table. She crossed her hands and sat straight, a very as-a-matter-of-fact look on her face. "Because..." She cooed in her royal voice now "The president part to show I'm reasonable; a leader for the people..." Brian sipped a cup of coffee, nodding his head. The princess jumped up, a fist clenched in front of her chest "AND THE PRINCESS PART TO SAY DON'T MESS WITH THIS GLITCH."

"We are now back in the bedroom of the eldest Griffin; a seemingly innocent vacation started with the best of intentions. Alas, for the trip has taken a turn for the worst." "CUT" A man in the directors chair yelled once again. He stood up and spiked a script into the ground, a vein popping from his head in a very Manga-esque sort of way. "OK FIRST OFF! That voice intro was horrible; who the hell was that talking Lord Voldemort?!" A snake like man under a light frowns, blowing a mushroom from his mouth. "AND SECOND!" The director stomps his foot, pointing to the ground to assert his point "THAT'S NOT EVEN PART OF THE SCRIPT!"

Louis shutters; _I sensed... a disturbance. _She is broken from her trance to the whines of Peter. They are in the bed room; a pile of shattered lumber surrounds the bed with another mattress now on top of it. Peter is sitting on the bed and Ralph is in the corner for a time out. "Peter Griffin how many times have I told you about these shenanigans?! Dragging poor Ralph into this!" Ralph raises a hand to interject, feeling he may soften the blow. "If it's any consolation, we didn't use any power tools. Trust me the princess has a rule about that." Louis has her arms crossed; a rather unamused look on her face. Peter is glancing at his arm; a tiny Disney princess bandage near his elbow barely the size of an adult thumb. "I hate this band aide, I WANT SPONGEBOB!"

Raiden is standing in Game Central Station, his arms crossed in vigilance as he surveys the land scape. He has now changed into a tight blue and gray suit; the torso showing off rib like features. The sword he brandished earlier is now gone. Instead a handgun is strapped in a case to his thigh. At first glance the well toned man would appear to be a woman; his thin physique and now shoulder length blonde hair didn't condone any masculinity. Vegeta was seen glaring at the ninja from across the station; he was on guard duty for Tappers. Raiden took a few steps returning to his post at Sugar Rush. Intelligence had told him that President Von Schweetze was the top priority to safeguard. He grinned and spoke to Vegeta. "Still tickin huh?" _He sounds like my infernal son _The prince thought to himself. Raiden spoke, uninterested in an answer "I'm going to go survey Sugar Rush; think you can handle things here?" Raiden was in charge, and he could tell Vegeta loathed this fact. Even if he was second in command. No response. Raiden casually began walking through the tunnels of sugar rush, calmly observing every nook and cranny...


End file.
